my estee story

Every girl will have a story about their first step into the world of growing up and makeup, when they possess their first cosmetic product.

Mine was this perfume from estee lauder, called 'beautiful', and here is my estee story.

The bottle was passed to me from my mom, who has been an estee customer for many years. I stuck to this scent for quite a while because i simply loved its floral tones and because i had grown up smelling it since it had been worn by my mom previously. A few years ago, during my visit to one of the estee counters, i found out that even the salesgirl had her first perfume passed down from her mother, and it was also from estee lauder.

My estee story is not just about having to possess my first bottle of perfume, but it marked the change in the conversation topics i started having with my mother. Being eighteen and knowing nuts about dressing myself up, i was eager to learn and transform myself into a woman like my mother. On my mother's part, i believe she was excited about her daughter's next step into adulthood.

Although i am no longer wearing any estee perfume, it still holds a special position in my heart. A year ago, i got my mom the chanel's classic No 5, and i noticed that she has been using it sparingly, only on special occasions:)

a close shave

This morning was a disastrous start for me.

Some of you may probably have known about this from my tweet or plurk, but for those who don't, i hurt myself when trying to clear the broken debris in the shaking incubator in the lab.

I discovered some broken tubes lying around in the incubator, so i had to clear the debris before the incubator broke down. As i was trying to pull out the remaining pieces, the shaker unit unexpectedly moved, and my thumb was jammed in between the unit and the wall.

Everything happened in a split second, and it took me a while to register what just happened.

The thought of losing my thumb was terrifying and the pain was excruciating.

(;_;)

update: the flesh under my thumb is turning slightly purple. i hope it's just a bruise.

riders

My current favourite game whenever i'm on the road is to spot riders.

If you're wondering who on earth are 'riders', it's a label given to those who ride the huge Harley Davidsons on the road, by the japanese people. So my dad and i would normally go yelling "R-A-I-D-A-R" whenever we spot one. It's our current form of entertainment so far.

And interestingly, i have spotted many riders on our local expressways. Mostly men in their 40s.

I wonder whether this is what we women like to call 'midlife crisis' for the men.

p.s. i thought it's ironical that the riders are generally in their mid forties because don't you think that the long handle grips are bad for their backs?

foot binding

Back in my secondary school days, we studied extensively on the history of girls in the past as part of our literature curriculum, and i can never shake off that exact feeling of horror i first felt when i read about the foot binding custom practised in China thousands of years ago.

Call it a foot fetish, but foot binding was practised on the young girls in order to create this illusion of a tiny and delicate pair of feet, which was deemed as a desirable trait among the men. What's more, their inability to perform manual work due to their bound foot, marked these girls as ladies of a certain privileged status. Their bound feet were a symbol of freedom from manual labour, and also a mark of ownership of their well-to-do husbands who could afford to support them.

In order to fit into these pretty little dainty shoes...

The arch of the foot including their toes were broken and tucked below the heel,  to achieve a toe-heel length of approximately 3 inches. This procedure was carried out for  two years, which included constant binding of the feet with increasing strength every time. Imagine the way your dentist tightens your braces during your monthly visit. OUCH.



I am amazed how men in the past found these sexually desirable.

the fragility of life

Maybe it's because of the recent sombre news of the deaths of famous people like MJ, that got me pondering over the fragility of life.

We are on a constant quest for a fulfilling life. But fulfilling in what sense? For materialistic satisfaction? For health and a long life? Or for an achievement that marks one at a significant point in our history? What happens if someone or even something hampers us from reaching that goal?

To narrow down this macro topic to a mini one (for my tiny head), i was lamenting to someone the other day about how people getting stricken with cancer is no longer a rare occurrence. Cancer has not only metastasized in our bodies in a biological sense, it has also proliferated into our society, our definition of the health of a postmodern individual. Diseases, in the past, were caused mostly be poor sanitary conditions and nutrition. But as the numbers of affluent individuals rise, so do diseases that didn't occur as frequently in the past, that start to spring up. 

In my field of study, i have studied and written reports on cancer-related issues, but ironically, the implication of having this proliferative disease swarming over us like a continuum of parasites, didn't hit me until i discovered that someone close to me had been stricken with cancer. 

Not only do people's bodies get screwed up (sorry for my crude use of language here), their lives get thrown into mayhem too. The fear of not being able to maintain their current way of living, together with the exhorbitant medical bills, is tantamount to a living nightmare. 

I am beginning to embrace the fragility of life. Although i'm in a field where research the treatment and prevention of diseases are intensively conducted, i am always torn with this conflicting emotions of knowing that even though many are receiving the best treatments with the rapid advancement of medical technology, the ultimate 'vaccine' to spare all of us from these life-threatening diseases has not been discovered yet.

cranky

The long hours in the lab have taken a toll on me. I struggle with an effort to remain bright and cheery whenever i am back home for dinner, because it's the only time our whole family will be spending time together over the dinner table.

But last night's level of fatigue crossed the boundary, and i was very very cranky. The dinner was superb, we had tempura which i helped out during the cooking after reaching home. I was still in a pretty chatty mood then.

But when my sister asked me for some help on her revision on her chemistry subject (which isn't something that i have always been good in), i asked her whether i can take a rest for that night and teach her the next day. She refused because her exams were starting next week and she couldn't afford to waste any time. The piles of dishes at the sink for me to wash last night, worsened my mood too. And that was when cranky yuka took over me.

I still revised through the chapter on hybrid orbitals with my sis, but i fell asleep halfway during my explanation. 

I know i might have caused some upset in my family yesterday, and i feel totally bad about it. 

I hate being such a bitch when i'm cranky.

my feet needs some attention

There has only been one thing stuck in my head like crazy glue.

I never stopped thinking about it for even a second. Instead the image of it has been dancing around my head, like a circle of a chanting tribe, calling me out.

SHOES.

I desperately need a new pair of shoes, and seriously, the emerald green flats i'm currently wearing are 2 years old and are starting to look more of a mouldy shade of green. Any good shoe brand to recommend?

the hazards of science

Unlike the school practical labs where students are provided with safer chemicals and easier protocols to handle during their experiments, a research lab paints a more realistic picture of science. There is no spoonfeeding of information (sometimes you need to come up with a protocol of your own), and everyone is expected to be familiar with the potential hazards of working in a lab facility.

I have been taught to use a few powerful but dangerous chemicals during this few weeks' of training and here are some of these:

1) Ethidium bromide: It is used as a fluorescent tag for agarose gel electrophoresis, so that you can visualise the nucleic acids such as DNA. However, it is a mutagen and is highly carcinogenic!

2) Liquid nitrogen: I used it to freeze my cultured cells overnight but i had to be careful that i didn't come into contact with it, to avoid any possibility of getting a cold burn. Imagine using your bare hands to grab dry ice.

3) TEMED (Tetramethylethylenediamine) : It is used in making polyacrylamide gels for gel electrophoresis which is primarily employed to separate proteins or nucleic acids. Its fishy odour is overbearing and i try not to breathe whenever i'm extracting it from the tube. Apparently it's neurotoxic!

And the list of hazardous chemicals goes on...

Experiments have becoming more fun for me, and i am enjoying carrying out the steps. But at the same time, i liken myself to be threading on a field of landmines because there is a need to be extra vigilant every time we use a chemical or equipment.

27 dresses + corinne bailey rae = ♥

I don't care whether movie critics call it feministic or not, but i watched 27 dresses for the 348295804059th time today simply because it is one of the best romantic flicks i have ever watched.

It is definitely not a chick flick (i'm anti-chick flick), but a sweet story about a woman who has to learn to put herself before others, in order to find her own happiness that she has always dreamnt of.

For those who haven't watched this film, i might be revealing a little spoiler here, so don't continue reading if you really want to catch this movie.

My most favourite part had to be when Jane (Katherine Heigl) confessed to Kevin (James Marsden) from the stage during a wedding Kevin was covering on for his article.

She walked slowly over to him, suddenly feeling awkward after her public confession.  Kevin's face was expressionless and he was quiet. And right at the moment when he finally spoke, "Come over here", Corinne Bailey Rae's "Like a star" streamed in, and he engulfed her in his arms.

That scene was simply magical.

Sigh, i love this movie.

五月病

My first week of the final year project didn't kickstart with a bang. In fact, i was severely depressed and was close to calling it quits. The crash courses on the research techniques and protocols were overwhelming and at the same time, i was filled with doubts about myself on whether i have what it takes to be an honours student.

I was suffering from 五月病 (Gogatsubyō) apparently. I googled for an english translation for it and it was explained as:

" blues experienced by college freshmen or workplace recruits shortly after beginning school or work"

The mere thought of going through a year of research on a project many of my other honours friends deemed as 'tough', together with six coursework modules, was very intimidating. 

It was a terrible ordeal for me having to go through all these thoughts every single day. Part of me tried to comfort myself that many other students like me have gone through this tough period and came out all fine.

It wasn't until i had a long talk with my dad over french fries at macs.

I have just ended my 2nd week of the project, and truthfully, i feel much much more secure and confident. And i was horrified at the thought of nearly throwing this golden opportunity away, just because i was being too uptight about the entire situation. 

One lesson learnt: Never say die easily.

lab rat

To explain for my long absence, i have been busy working on my final year project at the lab every single day. It is only today that i brought my mac with me over so that it can keep me occupied as i wait for my samples to be run on gel electrophoresis, PCR, incubation... etc. 

Life for the past one week has been a crazy rollercoaster ride for me as i grapple with the techniques taught by my mentor, a PhD student working in the same lab. But thankfully, i am getting the hang of the pace around here, and experiments are getting more and more exciting. It is almost like baking a cake, in which you have to carefully measure the amount of ingredients needed. Except in this case, the mixture is usually toxic for consumption.

I promise more entries soon!

man's best friend

The ads for the "There's No Better Friend" campaign by Singapore's SPCA never fail to tickle me whenever i see them on one of the pages of the Straits Times papers.

This is my favourite:

ping pong boy

Apparently, my dad has been playing ping pong with the guys from his office every week, according to my mom.

WHAT???  

I didn't see that coming. 

I asked my mom disbelievingly, "In his working clothes?" The image of a group of middle-aged men in their working shirts and pants sweating over a ping pong table, suddenly looked pretty comical to me.

Apparently, my dad specially bought himself a sports attire for the weekly activity. 

WHAT??? 

I totally didn't see that coming. 

it's worth it

We started out, wide-eyed, innocent and oblivious to what we were heading next. It wasn't long when we began to have little squabbles over the slightest detail.

There were certain times when both of us had a peaceful bonding time together, occasionally asking each other amicably for advice. And sometimes we would take turns to heed these little gold nuggets of wisdom from each other.

Sadly it wasn't long before we were jumping down each other's throats, close to tearing each other apart. 

But when we saw the smile of joy on our mom's face on her birthday, as she bit into our homemade hamburg patties glazed with a special wine sauce, all the fighting was worth it.

Happy Birthday, MOM !!!!

somewhere in between unplugged

An unplugged version of 'somewhere in between' and i think it's a million times better than the studio version. 

I always felt that singing live brings out the truth of the song: it captures the raw emotions of the performer which are brought out solely from his/her voice, coupled together with the basic guitar and drum instruments. 

What i loved about lifehouse's unplugged versions is that for one moment you're listening to jason wade introducing the song in his normal voice, and the next moment, you're listening to a completely different voice of his as he starts to sing. It's like unfolding different facets of lifehouse's voice at one go. The change in his voice as he kickstarts the song just caught my breath for a second. 

I guess this is the magic of lifehouse's songs. They never fail to give me pleasant surprises even when i'm listening to them live or studio. 

the final year project

FINALLY,

i am settled with my final year project (fyp).

WHHHEEeeeeeee!

All my hard work, the blood and sweat that were shed during the past few months, are paid off. Not to mention that if it weren't for my family and friends who supported me, i wouldn't have this silly smile plastered over my face as i bask in this very moment of happiness and relief.

i know that the next one year will be awfully busy and definitely challenging for me, but as my favorite motto goes: if there is a will there is a way,

ファイト, yuka~

daddy moments

I'm opening up a new column on daddy moments, which centres on little bite-sized anecdotes of my otochan, who is a comical man by nature. It's amazing how small actions of his that may seem insignificant to some, never fail to put a smile on my face.

Take last night for example, i noticed my dad sulking in my parents' bedroom after my sis, mom and i had finished watching Rails and Ties, a major tearjerker. 

Me: Why are you sulking?

Dad: Go away. Leave me alone. (buries his face into the newspapers)

Me (inching nearer): Aww... what happened? 

After some coaxing, he finally told me the reason.

Dad (in a small voice): You guys never let me watch tv.

To think that i was so worried something bad might have happened during work!!! Sometimes, i wonder who's the kid here.

crossroads

In 2 days' time, the results for my finals will be released and i am starting to feel the jitters.

I liken myself to be standing at this junction which opens up to two paths - one leads to taking the fourth year in nus, or the other which is to take one year off to work followed by studying abroad. This decision will be made when I know my results on friday. 

On one hand, i feel like my current plans right are in a mess and i'm stuck in the middle where i can't move on until i have a clear idea of what i can do. 

What happens if i can't do a fourth year in nus? Will i be able to apply to a good school abroad for  master's? What if my results aren't that good? 

My mind is whirling with such thoughts every day as the release date draws near. What's more, when people start asking me about what i am planning to do next, it's difficult for me because one, i need to explain the entire situation and two, it gets really tiring and troublesome after repeating the same story again and again.

On the other hand, i feel blessed to have my parents who are supportive and insist that i will be provided a good education, including studying abroad. I recall the days at the dinner table, where i was constantly probed by my parents about my future plans. Their habit of asking the exact questions that drive directly to the crux of the matter, often accompanied by some 'correct but rather painful' remarks, helped mould the initially blurry outline of my plan to, what i can safely say now, more defined and goal-orientated one.

Oh well, all i can do now is wait and pray for the best for my results on friday.

qewpie face

Recently, my younger sister's friend has been dropping by at our place before heading off for their math tuition class. Being the shy/hermit, i usually try to avoid bumping into any of my sister's friends whenever they are hanging out at our place.

But today, despite using every avoidance strategy i could possibly think of, yuki's friend X finally saw me for the first time. 

Later yuki came up to me with a feedback from X:

X thinks you look young for your age.... she says you look 17. 

Which is precisely yuki's age.

Blame it on the qewpie face genes i inherited from the paternal side.

I am constantly battling with a love-hate relationship with my qewpie looks. On one hand, it's nice to be receive compliments on how one looks young. But on the other hand, no one takes me SERIOUSLY because i look like a kid. 

When i was in junior college (around the age of 18, yes yuki's current age), there was this petrol kiosk i usually frequented, which was a short distance from my school. The lady at that kiosk once gushed at me as i was paying for something, "Oh look at you, you must be one of those little IP students.. so cute!"

IP students are the brainy ones a.k.a cream of the crop, who enter junior college directly without taking the GCE O-Levels, for a 4-year programme. Which means that they are usually around 14+ years old when they first enter my school.

 And when i tried correcting her by stating my real age, she tsked and commented, "But you look so small."

Aargh, kewpie face.

camomile blend

One of my favourite albums, Camomile Blend. 

We would play it whenever we have guests over at our place, and they never fail to ask us who this artiste is, because her voice is simply beautiful.

Once in a Very Blue Moon - Emi Fujita