I was inspired to write a long and
oh-so-philosophical entry on something relevant on an individual level, a societal level or even a global level. Like how to cure all cancers or solve the global poverty problem, you know thought-provoking stuff.
But alas, my brain which finally got unshackled from its slavery under the evil books and lecture notes (read the previous entry!), refused to generate any new ideas for me to come up with a good entry that i was originally planning to pen.
With lifehouse's acoustic version of 'hanging by the moment' streaming at the background as i lay here typing this, i realized that i haven't done this for a very long time. I can't remember the last time i actually had some "me time" when i could pamper myself and not think about work for even one second.
Sometimes i think i have transformed into a machine programmed to accomplish whatever tasks that have been set for me. I evaluated my life for the past six months, and it is a cycle of never-ending work work work - labwork, classes, revision of modules, rewind. And suddenly i have a vision of the future me: a middle-aged ratty looking woman toiling over piles of paperwork on her office desk late at night. A workaholic in the making?
It's like the hunger pangs phenomenon. Initially the hunger pangs can get so bad you get jittery and edgy, because you are in desperate need for some sugar rush. And then it reaches a threshold when suddenly, for some unknown reason, you no longer feel hungry at all despite not having anything since the last evening.
Working on my tasks is just like the hunger pangs phenomenon. I would moan on and on about my endless list of work to do, how exhausted i am and the layers of dark rings under my eyes. I will try to act defiant and chuck the work away at one side, resisting any form of urge to go anywhere close to it. But it would end up me getting weak, and i would eventually resume my work dutifully and once i get started on something, i find it hard to stop.
I know this entry is getting a
teeny weeny boring (perhaps more than that), but it is like a new revelation to me. The idea of being so goal-oriented to the point that i push myself beyond my limits is rather frightening. The fact that i have no qualms about sacrificing a huge part of my social life just to get work done adds onto the confidence level of me being a workaholic in the future.
I am working on changing this mindset currently even though i am aware that this will take time.
(after 5 minutes of snoozing on the mac)
First step to changing mindset: Go get some proper sleep.
