directions
A long talk over my plans on postgraduate studies with my professor got me thinking, What do i ultimately want to achieve from pursuing postgraduate studies?My plan was to do a year of Master's abroad, work for year or two to fund for my PhD education in the subsequent years and then enter the research field as an official career path. The reason why i decided to take a break and work was because the competitiveness for attaining a scholarship in a good postgraduate program will be extremely high and i am fully aware how far my capabilities can get me.
My professor raised a crucial point that i have to ask myself, How serious am i in doing PhD? I couldn't give a definite answer at that point of time and it brought me to the realization that there are so many things to consider in making this decision. Clearly, i have been wrapped up in my own naivety and failed to take different considerations into account.
Another lesson learnt: just like how scientific theories that i have learnt are complex, it applies the same to my own life. Life is complex.
僕は君に恋をする
歌／歌詞／曲：平井堅もしも願いが叶うなら 君の悲しみを僕の胸の中に
注ぎ込んで下さい その痛みならば僕は耐えられる
未来描く地図も無くしてしまう
ちっぽけな僕だけれど 君をみつけた
さよなら、ありがとう、好きだよ、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、泣くなよ、バカだな
伝えたい言葉は止めどなく溢れる
何度も、何度でも僕は君に恋をする
君の願いが叶うなら 全て捧げると心からいえる
僕がいなくなっても消えること無い
恋色に染まる心 君とみつけた
さよなら、また会おう、ごめんね、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、怒んなよ、バカだな
恋しい 苦しい、愛しいじゃ足りない
何度も、何度でも僕は君と恋をする
恋する瞳と愛する痛みを
君が僕にくれた輝き忘れない ずっと
さよなら、ありがとう、好きだよ、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、泣くなよバカだな
伝えたい言葉は止めどなく溢れる
何度も、何度でも僕は君に恋をする
さよなら、また会おう、ごめんね、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、怒んなよ、バカだな
恋しい 苦しい、愛しいじゃ足りない
何度も、何度でも叫ぶよ 好きだよ
さよなら
注ぎ込んで下さい その痛みならば僕は耐えられる
未来描く地図も無くしてしまう
ちっぽけな僕だけれど 君をみつけた
さよなら、ありがとう、好きだよ、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、泣くなよ、バカだな
伝えたい言葉は止めどなく溢れる
何度も、何度でも僕は君に恋をする
君の願いが叶うなら 全て捧げると心からいえる
僕がいなくなっても消えること無い
恋色に染まる心 君とみつけた
さよなら、また会おう、ごめんね、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、怒んなよ、バカだな
恋しい 苦しい、愛しいじゃ足りない
何度も、何度でも僕は君と恋をする
恋する瞳と愛する痛みを
君が僕にくれた輝き忘れない ずっと
さよなら、ありがとう、好きだよ、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、泣くなよバカだな
伝えたい言葉は止めどなく溢れる
何度も、何度でも僕は君に恋をする
さよなら、また会おう、ごめんね、好きだよ
さよなら、笑ってよ、怒んなよ、バカだな
恋しい 苦しい、愛しいじゃ足りない
何度も、何度でも叫ぶよ 好きだよ
さよなら
感動しすぎて、泣いちゃいました。平井堅の歌詞って、すごく心に伝わってくるもんだよね。もうすぐいなくなる人間の気持ちってこういう気持ちなんだなって、この曲が分からせてくれた。やっぱり、切ない気持ちだよね。
the great scale
When it reaches the last one month of every semester, which means that exams are around the corner, i will set this tiny goal in my mind whenever i start my revision: to climb up the grade ladder. It doesn't matter if it is a very small improvement, it is still an improvement to me. And i am proud to say that ever since i have started working towards this goal after my disappointing grade in my freshman year, i have not fallen since.This semester is an exceptionally tough one compared to the past semesters, but it wont' be as tough as the following and final semester in my life as an undergraduate. My goal still sticks firmly with me and despite facing several hiccups from my experiments, my assignments and my presentations, i am still determined to trudge on, reach the apex and plant a flag saying, "I made it!"
ファイト〜
pilgrimage
There is a place i have set in my heart, somewhere i must travel to, witness and experience.Hiroshima.
It left a tragic mark in history when the famous Little Boy was dropped on the heart of Hiroshima, during the Second World War. The aftermath was gruesomely tragic, and the tragedy still continues across many generations till today.
I suppose the main factor that pulled me towards Hiroshima and this historical event was perhaps the movie "Black Rain" which i watched as part of a film module curriculum when i was a freshman. The "Black Rain" was a film chronicling around the life of a victim, a hibakusha, from the time of the bombing to the postwar period when she had to deal with problems of her prospects in getting married, and the disease that stuck to her as a result of the radiation exposure during the bombing.
Most of us need to be constantly reminded how fortunate we are to be living comfortably and that we will probably never experience anything close to what the people during the war had to. Getting myself in touch with the history, especially wars in the past, never fails to bring me back to two important reminders: to be thankful for being where we are now and to learn from the mistakes made in the past.
To be able to stand at a place where a major historical event has occurred must be an unforgettable experience. And i have placed Hiroshima as my destination, a pilgrimage that i must go.
Last night, i was reading accounts by the survivors on the net. Through their narration, i imagined the horror and chaos during that time. But sadly, i will never be able to understand or experience what they have experienced. Perhaps, making a trip to the exact physical location will bring me a step closer to have a clearer picture of the event that took place half a decade ago.
Here is the link to the stories these survivors have shared. I spent the entire night reading them and my heart mourned for their loss as i read every line.
dealing with some people
The crazy period of time in the semester has started when all the assignments and presentations start piling up on you, and worse still, you have to juggle with your fyp plus trying to do some revision (which you never eventually start until the week before the actual exam).It's simply madness.
This week has been a crazy one for me, because my assignment deadlines and presentation happen to fall during this time. My dreaded hair still remains in its pathetic state and i'm close to pulling them out of exasperation.
On a brighter note, my mom has been whipping up good food recently, as a reward for working so hard every day:D
The other day, my mom whipped up a tempura feast consisting of red capsicums, green ladyfingers, orange sweet potato slices and fat juicy prawns. I wished i had taken a picture of the feast but it was so enticing we gobbled everything up in no time. I was marvelled by how colourful the feast was, and at the same time, i felt a little sad that i would miss all these food if i were to further my studies abroad next year.
die H&S die
If you have seen the state of my hair, you will understand why this entry's title sounds so vindictive.My usual shampoo ran out and i had to switch temporarily to my dad's Head and Shoulders. You can call me picky, but i usually never get anywhere near H&S, because i dislike it for many reasons: the three-in-one formula, the dull packaging and the anti-dandruff effect. And the biggest reason of all: it leaves my hair so greasy it looks like i have slapped tonnes of gel on my hair.
Unfortunately, i forgot this very important detail when i squirted that dreaded H&S onto my palm in the shower room. My hair which i prize most, is in a dreadful and pathetic state. My usually fine and soft hair is now reduced to straggly limp strands. It is such a hopeless sight i keep cursing at H&S under my breath.
The last time when this happened, it took me weeks to restore my hair to its original texture. Elsève Nutri-Gloss came to my rescue.
This time, i have switched to a cheaper alternative, Herbal Essences. After two days' of thorough washing, there is some improvements but not significant enough to make me feel happy. I will simply have to exercise more patience and work on restoring my hair back to its original state.
Hair blues :(
macaroon fever
The more i think about them, the more i crave for them. It's funny that despite not knowing how they taste like, i am forming this little picture of a marcaroon in my mind, combining the taste and texture i can imagine, based on my limited knowledge of marcaroons.Marcaroons fascinate me, primarily by their colours.
So when i posted a random update on facebook a few days back,
I received a couple of replies from friends and one of them started sending me links to mouthwatering pictures of macaroons.
One of my friends introduced me to a place that apparently serves good marcaroons - Canelé Pâtisserie Chocolaterie. The website was as enticing as its name and i hope it applies to their desserts as well.
So my new goal (bye fyp!) will be:
Everyone is your competitor
Being an honours student ain't easy.Especially when you are constantly surrounded by geniuses with full scores.
If you are not familiar with the local university academic system, here is a brief crash course about the honours year a.k.a the fourth and final year. In most of the courses in NUS, honours students are required to maintain a certain grade (we call it the CAP score, which is equivalent to GPA), to graduate with a bachelor's degree with honours, instead of the usual bachelor's degree if you graduate in three years.
As a RESULT, those with better scores mostly carry onto the fourth year. There are some who do qualify for the final year but choose not to do so for some other reasons. All in all, honours students are generally very smart, except for me (an average student) because i'm just plain lucky to do comparatively better in the recent semesters.
One of my friends in the honours batch recently gave me her golden nugget of advice: everyone in this hall you are looking at is your competitor.
Although i don't feel that everyone looks ready to bite each other's heads off, there are some who do come across as pretty serious and aggressive at some point. Saying that i'm extremely stressed is just half the truth. In fact, i'm terrified that i won't be able to do well this year which may compromise my plans on my future studies.
As much as i know that i need to loosen up and quit being too uptight about everything, i can't shake off the gnawing feeling that i might just be booted out of the race even before it has ended.
Okay, it's time to hit the books again.
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